Bicycles and birthdays

Once upon a time, it was my 8th birthday. 8th birthday's were special because my parents would take us out to dinner on The Queen Mary (a huge old ship in Long Beach).

My sisters probably know where I'm going with this.

I had just learned how to ride a 2-wheel bike without the training wheels. My dad, my older sister, and I decided to go for a ride around the block. I'm not sure where my little sis was because I distinctly remember my mom coming home after the incident so maybe we left her alone at the house?

Everything was going fine. I was killing it on that 2-wheeler. I was even getting daring and swerving the steering wheel a bit. I was having a blast as I flew down the street on my Huffy with the colorful strings flowing from my handlebars. My plastic white basket was holding a Barbie and I was cruisin' like a pro.

And then... out of nowhere, a car came racing past me almost running me over! I swerved to save my life and hit another car and flew over the handlebars, landing on my face.

At least that's how I remember it.

Samantha says allegedly there was no car and I just ran into a parked car for no reason at all, but why on earth would I run into a parked car?? 

At any rate, it was not a pretty sight. Since I landed on my face, my hands and knees were only scratched but the right side of my face was pretty torn up. My dad made me ride my bike home and kept telling me to stop crying because the salty tears were getting in my cuts and making it burn more.

I did not stop crying because half of my face had been torn off.

Okay, I exaggerate a little.

At any rate, my parents asked me if I still wanted to go to the Queen Mary for my birthday dinner. Of course I did! I was not about to let a little raw flesh ruin my birthday. So my mom curled my hair, I put on my navy blue polka dot dress and my Phantom of the Opera mask (just kidding) and enjoyed my 8th birthday after all. In reality, I had about 6 bandages covering my face and there are definitely pictures of this but I couldn't find any.

Moral of the story: Bicycles are evil and not to be trusted. Or don't let a little mishap ruin your day. Or ALWAYS THROW YOUR HANDS IN FRONT OF YOU WHEN YOU FALL OFF A BIKE. A sprained wrist is prettier than a scarred face.

You might be a mom if... Part 2

I can't help it. Another mom post because that's my life now. You can see Part 1 here.

You might be a mom if...

• You've sniffed your kid's butt to see if they're the culprit responsible for the poop smell in the nursery.
• You know the location of every bathroom in all major grocery and department stores. 
• You've ever nursed your baby while sitting in the car. Or in a dressing room. Or on the display gliding chair at Target. That's what it's there for, right?
• The stain that used to be puke or drool on your shirt is now probably whatever your child had for breakfast. And you don't even care.
• It's Thursday and you thought it was Tuesday. 
• Dangly earrings and braids are a thing of the past unless you like having chunks of hair or ear pulled out. 
• You've ever eaten baby food because, let's be honest, you know you're curious about what beets, purple carrots, and apple tastes like. (Hint: tastes like apple sauce)
• Everything you see becomes potentially deadly to your child. "Don't touch that roll of tape, you could tear some off and swallow it and choke and die!!!!" And then you just about pass out and die when your husband lets her play with paper and she eats some. Is anyone else terrified of their baby getting a paper cut? Just me? Okay. She might as well have been chewing on a steak knife. 
• You go to put a load of laundry in the washer only to find a load that has been sitting there for 2 days that was never moved to the dryer. 
• You've ever thought that everything in your house had a normal level of sound until your baby is down for a nap. Then, all of a sudden, it's like "WHY DOES THE DOORKNOB TURN SO LOUDLY?!?!?!"  That's why I avoid sitting in our leather recliner. Have you heard how loud skin separating from leather sounds??? 

Just keep swimming

The weather is finally warming up and I can hardly wait for Allie to have her first pool experience. She already loves splashing water in the bathtub so I'm sure she'll love playing in a pool.

Growing up, we had a pool in our backyard. Talk about FUN.

We would play games like Colors (the game where you swim for your life as if you were being chased by a shark) or Marco Polo (the game where you try to sneak around the pool and also swim for your life as if you were being chased by a blind shark). There were Chicken Fights which was basically wrestling in water which does not sound fun at all right now.

We would also pretend to be mermaids (since this was just around the time that The Little Mermaid was out in theaters). It was basically fight over who got to "be Ariel" and then swim around with your legs together wearing flippers pretending you were indeed half-fish, half-human. I distinctly remember trying to flip my hair coming out of the water like she did when she breaks the surface as a human. It never looked quite like it did in the movie.

I remember my mom would set out chips and after about 10 minutes, the whole bowl would be soggy because we'd all run over after just getting out of the pool and grab chips while dripping water from everywhere.

My hair would turn green from the chlorine. I would have a permanent tanline from whatever my swimsuit was that year. Every dive was done as if you were being watched by Olympic judges. Underwater tea parties were fun for no apparent reason. Hanging off of the diving board was fun until my dad broke it diving into the pool and that was the end of that.

Running was banned because "you could slip, fall, crack your head open, drown, and die." Also you were NEVER allowed to do Dead Man's Float because how could an adult tell the difference between trying to float and actually being dead?!?!

A pool can bring so much joy to a child. But also, so many irrational fears. Like sharks in the deep end. ESPECIALLY at night. It didn't help that when I was about 7, I caught a glimpse of a movie that we weren't supposed to be watching (but all the big kids were watching it). All I remember is an alligator that was living in a sewer ends up in someone's pool. Happy kids having a birthday party and one gets thrown in the pool... needless to say, I was scarred for life.

On second thought, maybe I'll just keep Allie in the bathtub.

If babies could talk

I have mentioned before how loud our daughter is. I really think this is due to the fact that Brian and I are extremely loud for no reason at all, so she probably feels like she needs to keep up. We also figured out that we've just started a chain reaction that will ruin all of our children. Even if we try to be quiet with the next one, Allie will be all loud and then the next baby will be like "Oh, okay, loudness is normal."

All that to say... I thought it'd be fun to write a post about what Allie would be saying in the midst of all those sounds if she could talk.

• (When happily riding in her car seat on a trip to the grocery store) "Heeeeeyyyyy mooommmm... *squeal* I'm just chillin' back here in the car seat... *scream* Mom! I think I can be louder than the music! Watch! *AUUUGGGHHHHHH*"
• (When she wakes up early and plays in her crib for awhile before I get her) "Oooh... Oooohhh... I just woke up from 12 hours of sleep *SQQQUUUEEEAALLLL* and now I'm going *SQQUUEEEAAALLL* to let Mom know. Oh, there's my tiger *SQUUUEEEAAALLL*"
• (When I put her down awake and she's tired but not ready to fall asleep just yet) "Heeeyyyy guys... I can still hear you... *Waaahhh* I just wanted you to know that I'm not asleep yet... I'm too tired to really cry but I'll just whine feebly until the tiredn--ZZZZZZZZ"
• (When she grabs something that's unsafe for her to play with and I take it away) "HOW DARE YOU REMOVE THAT TOY FROM MY HAND YOU INFIDE--Oh look, a cracker."
• (When I'm making dinner and she's playing in her high chair) "AH! AH! My, this block is delicious to chew on. AH! I think I can go higher and louder than that. AH-- *reaches sounds only dogs can hear* 
• (When she's playing and I walk out of the room) "Doo doo doo... Just playing with my toys while Mom watches m-- WHERE DID MOM GO?? I'VE BEEN ABANDONED! I WILL DIE! SOMEO-- Oh, there you are. Doo doo doo... playing with my toys..."
• (When she's been playing for 15 minutes and then decides she wants to be picked up) "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Ma. Mommy. Momma. Mummy. Momma. Mommy. MOM. MOM. MOM! MOMMMYYYY! MOOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYY!! MOOOOOOM!!!!! *I pick her up* Hi. *smiles*"

What it means to have a baby

• ... that the cliches are true... Your life will now revolve around a little one.
• ... that you will have this baby attached to you 24/7 and long for a break but as soon as the baby is asleep or being watched by dad so you can run errands, you'll miss her.
• ... that when your husband decides to take you to see the Hobbit in theaters for your birthday, you'll decide to bring the baby because "she'll sleep the whole time." And then she won't sleep the whole time. Even worse, she'll choose a silent scene in the movie when you can hear a pin drop to pass some gas. And then you and your husband will die laughing. 
• ... that when you shop for clothes, you'd rather buy something for your baby girl than something for yourself. Never thought that day would come. 
• ... that you know all the jingles on her toy smart phone, play laptop, and Baby Mozart DVD. Then you will marvel at the kinds of toys her children will have. Then you think someday she'll be like "Mom, you guys had a touch phone? It didn't even connect to your mind thoughts? Oh my gosh that is so lame."
• ... that life - shopping, showers, dinners, events - must be planned around the baby's nap schedule. And that you quiver with fear at the thought of what will happen if you sway from that schedule. ALWAYS STICK TO THE SCHEDULE. 
• ... that all your stories will now be about your baby, what they did that day, what they ate, how they slept, how horrendous their poops were, etc. You totally become one of those parents that can't shut up about their baby and you don't even care. You have 1,543 photos on your iPhone to prove it. "Here let me show you a million pictures of the best looking baby in the world!"
• ... you will inevitably get advice from random strangers on how to raise your child.
• ... your life will change dramatically and you will never, ever be the same. Not to like freak you out or anything...

Blah Blah Blog

Sometimes I don't blog because I don't have time. Other days, I sit down and have absolutely nothing to write about. No inspiration. No funny stories. Nothing. I'll type a few sentences and then bore myself with the topic (which is always an indicator that I shouldn't be writing about it in the first place).

But sometimes, I just like to type a bunch of random thoughts. Okay, a lot of the time. Fine! All the time! All the random thoughts ALL THE TIME!!! But if I put them in bullet points, it's so neat and organized that it makes it better. Trust me.

All that to say... this is one of those times.

• On the way home from church, a song from the soundtrack of Pride & Prejudice came on my iPod. I asked Brian if he knew what movie it was from and he totally knew. Success!!! And then for the next 10 minutes we talked in British accents using "thou" instead of "you". "Doest thou have a washroom? Thank thee." Name that movie!
• Turns out we didn't have a baby. We had a small velociraptor. She screeches ALL. THE. TIME. She doesn't play quietly like other normal babies. She screams and screeches and squawks nearly every waking moment. I have no idea who she gets that from. *blank stare* Also "when she looks at you, you can tell she's working things out. Clever girl..."
• Ooohhh speaking of the baby, she's rolling over now. I am beginning to think it was a bad idea to teach her how to do that. It all started when I had to change her poopy diaper and she decided she wanted to roll away naked. That's when I knew that her doctor hated me when he said "Do tummy time so she can get stronger and roll over." That jerk. (Totally joking, our doc is like the sweetest guy ever...)
• And speaking of jerks, whoever invented a teething giraffe that squeaks when you squeeze it obviously despises mothers all over the world. The only thing it seems to have taught Allie is how to wring the neck of a small animal. Which kind of worries me. 
•  Whenever it's windy and I'm walking outside, all of a sudden I'm a model in a fashion shoot. I start strutting around and then throw my hip to the side in a sassy "look at me" way. And then I remember I'm at Winco and people are staring (and not in a good way).
• Sometimes I get carried away showing Allie how to play with her toys and it entertains me more than it does her. I think Brian is concerned about this. 
• Yesterday it was sunny, windy, and cold outside, which always reminds me of the beach. I was wearing shorts and a sweatshirt and listening to Jack Johnson all day while hugging my Rainbows. I really miss the beach. *Sigh... (If you don't know... Rainbows are the greatest flip flops known to mankind. I'm also pretty sure they're a So Cal thing because I've never seen anyone wearing them around these parts, unless they spent a significant portion of their life in So Cal.)
• Allie is asleep for her morning nap and even though I have loads of laundry and dishes to do, I really want to craft. Clean underwear or crocheted baby blanket... Decisions, decisions...

Emotional Overload

I was having a conversation with a friend about women and crying at our church's women's meeting last night (Hi Diana!) and it got me to thinking, which inspired this blog post.

As women, we are emotional. Maybe some like to hide it or live in denial, but it's true. There are things that just make us burst into tears and cause our husbands/fathers/brothers to stare at us in confusion. So I decided to compile a good list of perfectly acceptable reasons to cry. Feel free to let the men in your life peruse this list to be prepared for the next episode of waterworks.

Also, I can neither confirm nor deny that this list is compiled from my own personal experiences.

Perfectly acceptable reasons to cry:

• watching the ending of Tangled when she's reunited with her parents and they just know it's her
• actually, watching almost any Disney movie for that matter (I'm talking to you, Lion King!)
• also... watching any Jane Austen movie
• umm... ok let's just add any sad/romantic/heartwarming movie
• when you feel overwhelmed
• when you hear a song that's meaningful to you
• when all you want is Oreo Ice Cream and you open the freezer to find nothing but peas and frozen ground beef
• witnessing a precious moment between your sister and her child
• when you laugh so hard that you can't breathe and tears are streaming down your face and then you actually start sobbing real tears
• when you experience a milestone in life (like getting married or having a baby)
• when you miss your family
• when you have just finished cleaning the entire house and you drop a jar of spaghetti sauce that splatters all over you, the cabinets, the stove, the floor and wakes your sleeping baby
• whenever your mom/sister/daughter/friend/random stranger cries
• whenever you feel like it

Unacceptable reasons to cry:

• none.

Happy Friday!