Friday, October 2, 2015

Life and mdjzkizzzzzzzzzzzz...

I know I like to drop these pregnancy bombs on you guys, like I did with Maddie. But you should feel special. You guys know before Facebook and Instagram, which in this day and age puts you right up there with family!

I've been so off on my social media though. I keep forgetting to post pictures and that could be because the last few weeks have been kind of rough. This pregnancy is turning out way harder than the previous 2 and the nausea has been full force. If only it wasn't nausea, you know? Why not just like muscle spasms or something? Sure it would drive you crazy but at least it wouldn't completely cripple you for hours at a time. Or uncontrollable burping! Might be embarrassing but again, much better than spending the day with your head over a toilet positive that you'll see what little food you were able to force down in reverse. Plus Brian has been working for 3 weeks straight (some nights in addition to days) so I'm basically running this joint alone.

Before the craziness, we celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary and I didn't even post how thankful I am for him on social media. *Gasp!!! Right??? Isn't that funny? That's the world we live in. I mean it basically means I don't love him or appreciate him. Obviously I'm still doing Instagram wrong. We celebrated with a relaxing day, a dinner date (accompanied by the girls) and that was pretty much it. In fact I'm pretty certain we were both asleep by 9 pm. Ohh the life we lead. Whatever. Brian works like 50-60 hours a week and I'm growing a human while trying to keep up with two other tiny humans so I'll take all the sleep we can get.

I have had this post in the works for a few weeks. I changed it a bit to fit a timeline of posting today but that should tell you a little of what life is like over here. Tomorrow is supposed to be a day off for Brian and I'm kind of excited to just have a helping hand again. You know, someone to give puppy eyes to when Allie is screaming from the bathroom that she's done peeing and someone needs to help her wipe. I'm getting reeeeeeeaallly good at those puppy eyes. Then we can have family nap time where everyone will sleep in the middle of the day because we have nothing else to do.

This is my life now, people. Naps are glorious and bedtime should always be at 8 and basically my life revolves around sleep or wanting to sleep. 

Friday, September 25, 2015

A Friday List

  1. I can't stand strong flowery smells. Which is why I can't jump on the essential oil bandwagon. My mom once gave me something to rub on my forehead to help with a cold and the smell gave me such a bad headache, I had to wash it off. Which is also why you will never smell any perfume or scented anything on me. I accidentally bought scented deodorant once and the smell drove me crazy. 
  2. I'll run to catch the microwave before it ends and starts beeping. I wasn't always like this though. I think the addition to my life of noisy toddlers all day long has made me overly sensitive to other sounds.
  3. Allie is really into wearing a Cinderella dress that my mom got her. It's probably the ooh's and ahh's she got from wearing it the first time that keeps her coming back for more, but she is constantly asking to wear it. I let her because she's a kid and I know how fun it can be to play dress up and I don't want to be that mom. But sometimes I have to take it away because oh my word, glitter EVERYWHERE. 
  4. Speaking of princesses, Maddie is trying soooo hard to talk. She already says a few words but sometimes she'll come up to me and say "Mom!" and when I ask her what she needs, she babbles out this whole sentence that doesn't make any sense at all but it's like in her head, she's telling me exactly what she needs. It's really the cutest thing ever. 
  5. I have this thing with cardigans. I sort of had a thing before I moved to Nor Cal, but after one cold winter (and obviously I use that term relatively because it was cold compared to what this So Cal girl is used to) I stocked up on layers that I could wear over all my tank tops. To the point that I think at one time I had a cardigan in every color and 2 in gray and black. Which leads me to my next point. 
  6. I did a major purge of my closet this summer. Most of what I got rid of was stuff that I was convinced I could fit into after pregnancies. After 2 pregnancies and realizing my chest/rear were never going to be the same, I decided to face reality and get rid of a ton of stuff. Everything left is very loose and flowy and maternity. I have one box in the garage of "skinny clothes" because a small part of me thinks that someday I might go back to wearing pants that don't have an elastic waist and bras that aren't bigger than my 3 year old's head but we'll see if that ever happens. 
  7. It's fall again which means it's time for me to start a bunch of crochet projects that will sit half finished for 3 years. I mean I could finish projects I already have instead of starting new ones but that sounds way too easy... and by fall, I mean it's the end of September because here in Cali, it still feels like summer. That's fine by me though. I know it'll be cold soon enough and then I'll be longing for warm days again...
  8. We have about a month left before our trip to So Cal. I'm so excited, not just to see family who I miss like CRAZY but to give us a little break from the craziness that is Brian's job, a home remodel, life with 2 toddlers, the usual. I mean, the girls will have a set of grandparents, 2 auntie's and an uncle who's sole job will be to make sure I have a relaxing time, right?
  9. I got a text from a friend asking advice about possible home remodel and it was like early Christmas or something. I seriously love this stage of planning and picking stuff out and I think we have a sickness because both Brian and I were drooling at a house they passed up that would need a total gut job. At least we're crazy together, right?
  10. I'm pregnant.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Fall Fashion

We're having another week in the hundreds here but next weeks forecast is 70-80 degrees which has me gearing up for fall in a major way. I definitely cannot add more clothes to my closet (considering I gave away 8 trash bags full over the summer. 8 tiny trash bags but still.) but if I were going to add to it, these are a few things I'd make sure to scoop up. Fall is all about layers and I love it because the more layers, the more accessories you have to work with. I'm a big fan of keeping the under layers simple but changing it up with just about a million different scarf options.

Note: I know most of my stuff is from my normal haunts (H&M, Old Navy, Target) but you guys should check out Winsome Jones. She runs a small little boutique dedicated to clothing that is modest. That is definitely a store motto I can get behind and I most likely definitely already own that mauve lace skirt because it's gorgeous and how could I not?


Thursday, September 10, 2015

Maddie's Birth Story

I just realized over a year later that I never wrote down how Maddie came into this world so here goes. Probably because when Allie was born I had nothing to do for the many hours she would sleep during the day. With Maddie though, hahahahaha..... Yeah. Imagine the next few kids. They'll be lucky to get a post on Instagram amiright?

My due date was June 16th but it came and went without any sign of her being born on time. A week went by and still nothing. Everyone was anxious for this baby to come except me. I felt like I was just enjoying those last few days of pregnancy. Surprisingly my dad was the most antsy and I got multiple texts and phone calls from him every day asking if she was here yet. 

Almost 2 weeks had gone by and my doctor had requested that I get a full ultrasound and have her heart monitored for awhile to make sure she was doing ok in there. Of course I had to take Allie with me to the ER, and we spent 6 hours waiting for all the tests and work to be done. She was such a champ. All the nurses commented on how well behaved she was and kept her loaded up on graham crackers and water. She got to play on my phone until it died and then an intern gave her her phone to play on. The only problem was not being able to reach Brian to update him and since my phone had died, he said his mind was running wild not knowing what had happened to us. 

On Friday, June 27th they said if I didn't have the baby by Sunday, they were going to induce. My sister had planned to come in after Maddie was born to visit and help but it turned out that she arrived a few days before and was able to stay with Allie when we went to the hospital. On Saturday at 1 am, I started having contractions. Everything about Maddie's birth was similar to Allie's except accelerated. My labor with Maddie was only 4 hours from start to finish. The contractions started on so quickly and intensely that I was throwing up until I had nothing left and then it was dry heaves. I couldn't stand, let alone walk. This was around 4 am and I was only 4 cm dilated. They did an epidural and within an hour I had gone to 9 cm. I remember still feeling the contractions pretty intensely even with the epidural.

The nurse said I would probably be about 20 minutes away from pushing but as soon as she walked out I told Brian I needed to push. My water never broke but in 3 pushes, she was out. The doctor showed up just in time to catch her and sew me up. I'll spare you the knitty gritty details but at that point I was very happy to have the epidural. They put her on my chest and I couldn't believe how much love I had for her. 

It's crazy that you don't think you can love another child as much as your first but that completely changes with the second. I can't describe a mothers love. It's this fierce, protective, overwhelming desire to nurture and care for this tiny little helpless human being.

Words can't express how I feel about my daughters. My heart feels like it explodes when I see them together. They fight, sure. But they also have fun. They have their own language that they'll babble and scream back and forth when they're supposed to be going to sleep. Allie takes such good care of her little sister (most of the time). Sometimes she just aggravates her. Maddie is a little fireball though. She screams her head off to get her way with Allie (which is something I'm definitely trying to put an end to). But even at this young age, she mimics nearly everything that Allie does. If Allie climbs on the coffee table and jumps, Maddie does. If Allie is eating goldfish crackers, Maddie is. If Allie is running in circles around the kitchen screaming and laughing, Maddie is doing her best to keep up. 
I hope that they continue this relationship and someday see that sisters are built in best friends. I hope that they cheer each other on, share with, encourage, support, and comfort each other. I hope they both come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior and that their bond of sisterhood will be strengthened by the bond they have as sisters in Christ. I hope they see that to be a woman of God means to be humble, submissive, gracious, kind, loving. 

I can't imagine life without Maddie now; it feels like she's been with us forever. But to be blessed with 2 girls has been amazing and incredible and terrifying. I'm the example they see everyday and I've had several meltdowns over the feeling of inadequacy. How can I teach them to be godly when I don't even have it figured out? Thank God for His grace in my life. If nothing else, they'll see a sinner who is in constant need of a Savior. And thank God for putting godly women in my life that can be examples to my girls. 

I've thought about starting a journal for my daughters. But then I realized, I already have. This blog holds my memories, my thoughts, my struggles and someday, they can read this and see what a weirdo their mom was. Thanks, internet, for letting me leave this legacy to my daughters.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Birthday Wishes

We are 2 months away from our annual family Disneyland trip which means I am also 2 months away from turning 31. I think as I get older, my taste is getting more refined. That's fancy talk for "everything on my birthday list costs more than $100." But hear me out! I have a good reason. I promise. Mostly. And if it sounds like I'm presenting a case to you for each one, it's because I am. If I'm persuasive enough, then I won't have to sell any limbs to get these.

Birthday wishes

1. Madewell Mini Transport Crossbody Tote 

I've had my eye on this purse for a very long time. Let's just say last year around my birthday I was already scheming how I could sell some furniture to buy it. It seems versatile enough and to be frank, I'm tired of carrying around a diaper bag as a purse (as cute as my diaper bags are). The thing is, I don't go anywhere without needing to bring diapers and at least snacks for the runts but I'm pretty certain that would all fit in here.

2. The Horse The Classic Watch in Gray Leather/Rose Gold 

I'm a watch person lately, probably because I'm constantly checking to see how much time I have left until nap time/moments of silence. This watch makes my neutral loving heart sing. It's so classic and the kind of thing that will look good with a t-shirt and jeans but also with a fancy dress. Brian pointed out there are no numbers but you know what, fashion is about sacrifice and if I have to sit there counting with my fingers to guess the time, then that is what I'll do!

3. Free People Lounge All Day Cardigan

If I actually lounge around all day in it, is that a good enough excuse to buy it? I mean I'll definitely be getting my money's worth if you ask me. Plus a cream cardi in the winter would go with eeeeeeverything even sweats and a pajama top so really the question is why AREN'T you buying it?

4. Humble Hilo Backpack in Blanca

I recently discovered this company and really like what they do, not to mention the bags they make. Sure they're a bit more pricey but when you think about the fact that you're feeding a child for a month or providing a month of education to a woman, it makes the bag seem like icing on the cake. This is actually the one thing that, if I had to pick from my extensive birthday list, I might actually spend money on. Mostly because they care for children and I have always had a huge soft spot in my heart when it comes to caring for kids who are in need. Okay so before I start weeping all over the keyboard, go check them out.

As for the usefulness of the backpack, imagine flying on a plane or going to a park and you have to sling your diaper bag over your shoulder but it keeps coming off and you can't adjust it because you have your two kids' hands in a death lock grip so they don't go running into the street and you're just hoping it doesn't come swinging down and dump its contents and heaven forbid you should have to bend over because that means it will have to balance precariously on your bum so it doesn't take out your toddler. Now imagine you have a backpack. Ahhhh. Isn't that so much easier?

Tuesday, August 25, 2015


Hopefully by now you guys know how imperfect I am. I've mentioned several times that my life isn't all rainbows and sunshine, my house isn't perfectly curated, my kids aren't perfectly behaved, yadda yadda.

I've been seeing this trend on Instagram lately where women (and only women < -- there's something there) are feeling anxiety, worry, guilt (tons of that, actually) that their lives don't compare to someone else's perfect little Instagram squares. They are feeling like they're just not enough.

Let's be honest here. EVERYONE does it. Everyone stages pictures or shares the beautifully captured moments. Maybe your lighting isn't great or the kids are a little blurry but we all do it. Once in awhile we might throw in a "real" picture of our messy lives but for the most part, we like to filter what we show of our lives to the world.


Because when your child is in the middle of a temper tantrum, it is monumentally bad parenting to whip out your phone and share a picture of them screaming on social media instead of dealing with it.

Because when your sink is full of dirty dishes, you know you should be getting off your phone (and your butt) and doing them but you don't feel like it.

Because when you actually clean the entire house, it's 8 pm and there's not enough daylight to get a good picture and by the time there is daylight, there will also be tiny people undoing everything you just did.

Because sometimes when your kids are reading quietly and your home is clean and you have a minute to rest, you want to be in the moment and enjoy it instead of running to your phone to snap a picture.

Are you seeing my point here?

Don't feel pressure to be fake. There's a reason we only share the beautiful, inspiring pictures and it's okay. The problem is using Instagram as a ruler to measure your own worth. Yes I went back and bolded and underlined that because it IS a problem. We should be able to look at these pictures and see the beauty in other people's lives and be happy for them.

Imagine that. Be happy for a complete stranger who looks like she has it all together. Who knows? Maybe she does. Maybe her life really is that perfect. Good for her! Seriously! Not like in a sarcastic way.

Because, guess what? I pretty much guarantee NO ONE in your home is judging the mother/wife you are by looking at Instagram pictures. They are seeing who you are day to day. Let it be messy. Let it be beautiful. Let your kids and husband see someone who is real, who relies on the Lord for strength, who faces each day (sometimes each moment) with grace.

Let them see how much work it takes to clean up after them, to cook for them, to care for them. Let them see how peaceful and relaxing a clean home can be. Let them see how fun and spontaneous playtime can be. Let them see real life.

Gosh that was so inspiring, I feel like I need to needlepoint it on a pillow or something.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Is pregnancy for you?

I am definitely not pregnant (as far as I know anyway). But it really seems like practically everyone I know is either pregnant or just had a baby. I actually feel left out that I'm not also growing a human so I thought I'd compile a list. 

Is pregnancy for you?

Do you hate sleeping all the way through the night uninterrupted? Would you rather be able to shift your sleeping position all night long?

Do you feel like you just don't get to empty your bladder enough? Miss spending quality time with the porcelain throne?

Do you think your stomach/butt/thighs look too boring? Would you rather see cool stripes/claw marks stretched across them?

Are you tired of losing weight? Do you wish you could gain and gain and gain weight for almost a year and never get rid of it?

Are you tired of your clothes fitting too well? Wish you could wear leggings and mumus more often?

Do you ever wish you could laugh so hard that you start crying and then that turns into a full on emotional sob fest?

Do you ever wish you could just cry for no reason at all?

Do you wish you could have the craziest dreams of your life that will terrify you to your very core?

Are you tired of loving all food? Do you wish that some things would just make you sick at the very smell?

Speaking of smells, do you want random smells to consume your being so much that if you don't get away from them, they'll cause you to see your breakfast again in reverse?

Do you sometimes feel that your muscles aren't cramping enough?

Do you hate the sight of your feet and wish there would be something to block them from your view?

Are you comfortable with waddling? 

Do you think that sometimes standing and sitting are tasks that are just too simple? Do you need something to complicate these small tasks and make them a challenge?

Are you ready to have your life consumed by the sweetest little soul that will melt your heart?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then pregnancy is the answer for you!