Thursday, February 26, 2015

Motherhood musings

I read this encouraging blog post about the trials of motherhood. I especially liked this "God doesn’t command us to enjoy the challenges of motherhood, but he wants us to find joy in the midst of mothering. Our heavenly Father scatters his goodness and mercies throughout the most difficult of mothering days (Ps. 23:6)."

So often I think I must be the only mother in the world who struggles with this. The exhaustion, the feeling constantly behind and overwhelmed. Just a morning scroll through Instagram can show me that other mothers are enjoying a homemade breakfast with their kids or a lovely stroll through a park while I've had the girls in the bathtub for 45 minutes just so I can keep the mess contained. Not exactly a Kodak moment. Everywhere there are beautifully designed, clean houses. Beautiful, dressed, clean children. Beautiful, put-together, clean mothers.

I do what I can to be realistic in what I share with the world but sometimes I fall into the trap of wanting to be the one with the beautiful moment perfectly captured that everyone else is in awe of. And then the Lord humbles me. Throw in a toddler tantrum or a baby in a walker who just emptied a bag of tortilla chips and then rolled over them and I'm put in my place -- under His grace. Constantly in need of His grace, really.

I find it encouraging though... I'm not commanded to enjoy the struggles. God doesn't want us to be some hypocritical, masochistic followers. He wants us to FIND the joy in the trials. Find the blessings that He showers on us. Find the moments where your babies curl up in your lap and are still for 10 minutes while you read a story and you realize, it's fleeting. You don't have to enjoy cleaning up spilled cereal for the umpteenth time but you do have to be joyful that God has given you a healthy toddler who can make messes, or a job for your husband so he can provide simple luxuries like cereal and milk, or a home that you can maintain and make a welcoming place for your family.

The other day Brian got home after working a 20-hour day and the first thing he noticed was that I had cleaned. It wasn't much, just generally tidying up and making sure there weren't toy booby traps all over the floor. But the point is that I think I set this really high standard for myself and I'm trying to impress all the moms of the internet instead of just doing what I need to, to take care of my own family and their needs.

I don't know if this post really has a point. I'm just spilling my heart right now. I was overwhelmed and then reminded that God gives us enough grace for today. He is good. He is merciful. I have to remember that when I'm doing the small, tedious tasks that make me want to run screaming from the house.

And in case you haven't seen this, totally accurate in this house.


Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Sayings

What he says: These work pants are fine.
What I say: Those pants are literally hanging on by threads. You look like you're modeling a prototype for a new line of men's denim lingerie.

What they say: Easy 15 minute workout that you can do at home!
What I say: Easy for someone who is in shape. Realistically? You'll be huffing and puffing and cramping in the first 30 seconds.

What he says: High heels are dumb.
What I say: High heels are a necessary evil and these are the only shoes that match this dress so I HAVE to wear them.
What I say 20 minutes later: High heels are dumb.
What he says: What did you say?
What I say: I SAID MY FEET ARE NUMB.

What they say: Clean your whole house in just 15 minutes a day.
What Allie says: NOPE.

What they say: Dress nice when you go out in public.
What I say: DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE. LEGGINGS FOREVER!!!

What I say: Let's put the girls to sleep in the same room.
What Maddie says: NOPE.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Manic Monday

  • We finally installed the toilet in the second bathroom this weekend. And by we, I mean Brian and his brother. It's so nice to have 2 toilets again. I'll just leave it at that. 
  • Something possessed me to make a chocolate cake with chocolate pudding frosting and chocolate chips on top this weekend. I'm not sure what it was but I better exercise to exorcise that demon. Ha. Get it? Because it... possessed... Okay, fine it was a lame pun. I couldn't stop myself from typing it though. And even now that I re-read it, I chuckled to myself. BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY AND YOU KNOW IT.
  • Brian would have a crushed look on his face if he read that. Like "my wife has reached a level of corniness that I can't even comprehend..." Poor guy. Sometimes I almost start to feel bad for him but then I remember that he knew what he was getting into so it's his own fault.
  • We leave on Friday to visit So Cal again. Whoo HOO! I'm pretty excited to visit family although those party poopers didn't want to go to Disneyland. It's like we're not even related. Well, my older sister wanted to go but 2 against the rest of the fam isn't exactly great odds.
  • We deep cleaned the house this weekend. It felt so good to be clearing out all the germs from the past few weeks of sickness. Brian even cleared out some of his tools. Our living room looks sorta empty now. 
  • Next thing on the house to-do list: the floors! The floors! The FLOOOORRRSSSS!!! No more cold concrete. No more ugly gouges from the carpet tacks. No more taped cardboard in the hallway where the pretty flooring ends. No more spilling whatever we want on the floor. Hmm. Not sure I like that last one. 
  • It's Monday! I'm going to go walk/run on the treadmill. And then polish off the rest of that cake. I mean... Eat some celery and stuff.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Miss Indecisive

I am the queen of indecisions. Meaning, I will not hold to a decision until the very last possible minute. I keep the tags on clothes because until I've worn the item, I'm not 100% sure I want to keep it. Incidentally, there are a lot of clothes hanging in my closet with tags on them. Shocker. When my sister was visiting, I bought some gray booties at Target. I must've asked her 14 times if she thought they looked cute on me before deciding that I would keep them.

Probably 3/10 things that I buy, I return. I wait until the last possible second to order my food after I know what everyone else is ordering. I don't know why. I'm just not super decisive and I always think "What if I had picked differently? Would my life be completely different now?"

So of course my mind has completely changed about a lot of decor in our house. I blame this on the fact that because we're in the middle of a renovation, I haven't been able to decorate which means I can still change my mind about stuff.

Remember this rug from West Elm that I wanted? Well, guess what? I changed my mind. Since we still don't have flooring, it has been sitting in the plastic under the sofa for a few months. But the more I thought about it, the more I looked at my Pinterest boards, the more I realized this was not the rug I wanted. So up on Craigslist it went. I'm hoping I can make back what I paid for it...

Now I'm back to rug shopping. I found the perfect one, only it's raging expensive so I'm still on the lookout. What do you think?
I've loved the Southwestern look for a long time but it's hard to find one with muted colors. I don't want to walk into our living room and be assaulted by colors. I don't think Brian will love the pink in this one but I also don't think he'll love the price so I'm shopping on Etsy and eBay for something similar.

At any rate, unless this rug pops up at 50% off or something, I'm going to wait before making the plunge this time around.

I think. 

Monday, January 26, 2015

A Monday List

  • Last week the girls were sick. Fevers, vomiting, runny noses, coughing, ear infections, the works. We've basically been quarantined for a week and I'm going crazy. My poor girls are just now on the upswing of their sicknesses and I'm in cleaning mode. Every couch cushion, sheet, blanket, article of clothing is going to have to be washed because I refuse to get sick again! It feels like we've had sickness in this house on and off for the past 2 months. 
  • We switched Allie to her toddler bed a few weeks ago. We haven't really had problems with her getting out of bed until last week when she was sick and I woke up one night to have her standing next to my bed at 2 am staring at me. Another night, I woke up to the sound of little feet pit-patting and she scared me out of my wits because she was hiding in the hallway. It's like the toddler version of Gremlins. 
  • One thing I've never felt comfortable doing is taking a selfie. It's not that I don't like the way I look or something, I just feel like I always make an awkward face. I can't be serious because I look like I'm hiding something in my mouth. I can't smile because then it's like "Who's this creeper?" So then I end up doing some weird puckered mouth thing. #21stcenturyproblems
  • Allie is 2 1/2 now and there are many things I've discovered about children her age. It's not the terrible two's. It's just toddler problems. Like: My pants are tucked into my socks. I'm wearing the striped underwear instead of the princess underwear. My sister knocked my Cheerios onto the floor. My sippy cup was knocked over and I spilled some water on myself. You cut my pizza into pieces. You helped me put my pants on. You wet my hair in the bathtub, even though moments before I was splashing water all over the place (including on my hair). All of these have resulted in a full-blown meltdown. I sound like a broken record reminding her how important it is to control her emotions. All the while, doing my best to set an example (and almost always failing). Ahh the joys of parenting. 
  • Speaking of parenting, have you seen this video? It totally made me cry. I believe Brian's exact words were... "The baby was fine. Why are you crying?" 
  • It's Monday but here in the world of stay-at-home mom's that's basically just like every other day. I'm off to decontaminate our house and tackle this load of laundry. After my mani/pedi of course.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Torture a.k.a. Exercise

Running.

I despise it.

No, really. I do.

You know how people sometimes say "I really don't like running" or "I haven't run in a long time so I'm going to be super slow" and then they take off on a effortless jog for 10 miles?

Yeah, I'm not one of those people.

I really do physically hate running with my whole body.

But I HAVE to do it. We have a treadmill sitting in our living room that mocks me everyday if I don't. It stares at me and says "HOW'RE THOSE JIGGLY THIGHS WORKING OUT FOR YOU? HMM??? HMMMM????"

Not to mention the pants that are gathering dust in my closet saying "Weeeaarr meee... pleeeeaase... Oh wait. You can't fit me over your jumbo butt."

But really the biggest reason I want to get in shape is because I know it's just not healthy to be lazy and sedentary. I want to be able to keep up with my toddler and baby. I want to show them how to make healthy choices right before we stuff our faces with cookie dough. I mean, let's not get too crazy here. We can't just cut cookie dough out of our lives.

The point is, I want to be strong and healthy and running is the only way to do that right now. I supplement with some at-home exercises but I try really hard to at least do 1 mile everyday (except on Sunday's "because it's God's day! A day of rest!" Name that quote!)

Anyway, I know I set a goal to run 5 miles under an hour and I'm going to work really hard to do this. Okay, I'm going to work to do this. If I succeed, there's a new swimsuit in it for me. If I don't, well I'll be the person in sweats sitting on the beach giving all those fit women the stink eye.

Just kidding.

I won't be on a beach.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

(Semi) New Year Resolutions

Well it's a good thing one of my New Year Resolutions wasn't to blog more.

Here they are:
  • Either get back down to 150 lbs or be able to run 5 miles in an hour. So far I can do 1 mile in 14 minutes, if that gives you any indication how crazy this goal is. But I have to do it! I have to fit into my pants again. I miss regular pants. Sorta. I really do hate running though. More on that in another post.
  • At least one more trip to Maui. We really do have to take advantage of this opportunity while it lasts and Brian's parents have insisted on having us come out in May. Obviously, it didn't take a lot of persuasion...
  • Home remodel. I'd like to put lofty goals on here like "Finish the house by the end of the year" but I know that's foolish and unrealistic, so here's my goal: be content with our circumstances and make the best of it. It's so easy to complain and compare but I've resolved to not nag Brian and not whine about the never-ending to-do list. This probably could be applied to more areas of life, but we'll just start with the biggest one.
  • Finish half of the crochet projects I have going on right now. And half of the ones that I'm planning to start. I can pretty much guarantee this goal isn't going to happen but I feel like it has to be on here.
  • Memorize James. We're memorizing it in our couples bible study and so far I have the first chapter down. If I finish James, I'd also like to memorize Philippians. Memorization is my favorite thing to do because it's something I can pick up where I left off if I get interrupted (which is basically constantly). Plus then it's running through my head throughout the day which is always a bonus.
That's it. Nothing crazy, nothing special. There are some other goals that Brian and I have set as a family, but this is my blog where I can share my own specific goals. And you guys can sorta hold me to them. Maybe I'll even check in periodically with how things are going!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Sometimes I make myself laugh. Quietly. In my head. Because there are sleeping babies that cannot be woken.

Now the next question is... should I go work on my crochet goal or my running goal or make some cookies? I think we all know what the obvious answer here is.